pipe smoking jokes
pipe smoking jokes
People say I’m the next Douglas Bubbletrousers. What do YOU think of my poetry?
Ronald McDonald goes in for the gold
Too bad he’s not got a hand to hold.
As I walk in the direction of the spirit fever
a lonely beaver comes and sits on my lap.
We sing folk songs and tell jokes,
but my beaver chokes on my hobbit toe.
I give him the heimlich.
He’s better now.
A whispering breeze blows my beaver
off of my knees, and now I’m alone.
Ronald McDonald emerges from the trees
strumming on a Uke and smoking a pipe.
I kiss him goodnight, me and Ronald
never again have a fight. ♥
LMAO
pipe smoking jokes
Guy Gets Girl
I’m retired, bald, and overweight. I don’t have a problem getting dates and repeat dates with women half my age and sometimes much younger than I am. I live in Las Vegas, and I’m referring to ladies like waitresses, receptionists, show girls, and tourist girls. I’m white, but when it comes to women I’m color blind. I have no trouble getting dates with blacks, whites, or whatever. I may not be an absolute expert, but I do understand a great deal about women.
I grew up in a household of grandmothers, mother, sisters, aunts, and older and younger female cousins. They thought racist and bathroom stories were hilarious. They could take a joke too. There was no father or other males in my youthful years.
Being the only male in my family, I got lots of attention. I was always the cousin who got the extra piece of cake. My wife has passed on. We had three daughters. I have a wonderful relationship with them.. Women bring a great joy into my existence. I can’t imagine a life without them. My background gives me an edge on most males, because I understand a great deal of just how women think.
There are some things that a woman will not put up with that can ruin a relationship on the first or second date. Dressing sloppy or dressing too casual on a first date will turn a woman off. A woman takes a lot of effort to look her best, and she expects her date to meet her at least half way. It’s rude to be late without a valid excuse and women are turned off by it. Losing your wallet and asking a date to pay for drinks and dinner is a real turn off. Laying your cell phone down on the table and engaging in long telephone conversations when it rings is a good way not to get a second date. Bragging how good you are at your job and what a wonderful guy you happen to be are good ways not get as second date. Bragging about your numerous girl friends will assure you of not getting a second date.
Showing off expensive jewelry and indicating you are very wealthy will not get you very far with a serious woman. Whining and complaining about politics and whatever will not get you very far with a woman either. Complaining to the management about poor service and talking down to serving staff is a good way to kill a relationship before it even gets started. Picking your nose or picking at scabs is an absolute turn off for most women. Even if your dates smokes, lighting up a Cuban stogie or lighting up a pipe is an absolute killer. Telling a woman how sexy she is and that you want to get in bed with her will turn most women off right at the start of a relationship and a good way to assure yourself of no second date. Putting your hands where they are not suppose to be is a killer too. Talking about your health problems or your dietary quirks is a first date killer too.
I’ve had a close relationship with women all my life, and I fully realize I don’t have all the answers. I realize that being old, ugly, and fat will turn most women off upon initial contact. I also know these obstacles can be over come if a women is treated just right when meeting a man for the first time. I don’t have a clue of some of the things that go on in a female’s mind. It takes another woman to know all these things.
If you want a deep understanding of the female psyche and an explanation of how to press those mental buttons inside every woman’s head from a female herself, you can get this information at http://www.guysgetgirls.net
About the Author
Robert Andrews is a retired engineer who first came to Las Vegas when he was ten. He knows Las Vegas inside and out. He loves glitzy, kitchy, glamorous, and the downright outrageous life style of the city.
Please critique my poem. What emotions does it arouse and prevoke?
Ronald McDonald goes in for the gold
Too bad he’s not got a hand to hold.
As I walk in the direction of the spirit fever
a lonely beaver comes and sits on my lap.
We sing folk songs and tell jokes,
but my beaver chokes on my hobbit toe.
I give him the heimlich.
He’s better now.
A whispering breeze blows my beaver
off of my knees, and now I’m alone.
Ronald McDonald emerges from the trees
strumming a on a Uke and smoking a pipe.
I kiss him goodnight, me and Ronald
never again have a fight. ♥
Goofy sex poem. That’s about all it arouses. And I’m not sure what “prevoke” means, but if it’s something like “provoke” then yes. Nothing at all. Hope this helps.
A cool practical joke with an Orange!
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